Wednesday, November 21, 2012


For many people, the month of November is a chance to post daily and express to the world what they're thankful for. Every day, they list something like "family," "friends," "my new puppy," or occasionally slightly more complex things such as "the ability to feel emotion" or whatever. I never participate in these posts... I think they're dumb. Yes, it's good to reflect on what you're Thankful for, but I can only handle reading so many posts every single day of "I'm thankful for my big brother not beating me up anymore like he did when we were younger" -- or whatever.

I'm making one, single post. Only one. Most years I don't even do that many.

This year, I'm thankful for life. Last Thanksgiving I was considering ending it... I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to try to stop me. Only a few people found out after I decided against it... everything was REALLY horribly depressing and bad for me a year ago. I felt trapped, and like things weren't going to get better. You can scroll back through my posts to a year ago and see that very clearly... 

I decided against it because I decided there was no way things could get worse than they were. I was wrong, of course, they briefly did get even more horrible... but then things started to look up a few months later. Starting in February, things began to improve. 

Now, a year later, nothing even slightly resembles the darkness of autumn 2011. I'm more than 2000 miles away from all of that bleakness and all of those problems. My relationships are strong. My sense of adventure is satisfied. Everything is still changing, and I don't know yet where I'll be living next August. I no longer feel trapped in Norfolk, like I'm going to have to deal with all of the impossible bullshit holding me down forever, and all of the horrible people tormenting me every single day. I'm free, I'm exploring the world, I have strong support, and I am alive.

So that's what I'm thankful for this year.

And now, please excuse me. Sitting outside typing in the beautiful 60 degree weather has been lovely, but I'm going to go back up to my cozy apartment, hang out with a friend, and look forward to experiencing Thanksgiving with all of my new companions tomorrow. 

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