Graduation

It was a difficult decision, but I have chosen to graduate up to a different site for my blog. Blogspot has served me faithfully for the past few years, but I want a more professional face to present to the web, and I believe I have finally reached the limits of what I can achieve here.

With that in mind, I have chosen Weebly. Over the past month (when I wasn't busy moving), I have dedicated time to designing a new site, which I am launching tonight.

I invite you to follow me over to the new server. There will likely be a few re-posts of material from over here, however it will mostly consist of entirely new material.

The website is located  HERE . 

What They Never Told You: A Place to Call Home

Last night I stayed for the first time in my new apartment. The furniture is not here yet, and the boxes are not yet unpacked, but it already feels more like home than the last place ever did.

No matter how hard I strived, I could not make that room I was renting feel like a place to belong... I always felt like a stranger there.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, the effort itself is not enough. Sometimes you can not force a place to feel like home any more than you can force a person to be your friend or a pair of clothes three sizes too small to fill comfortably.

Sometimes the chemistry is too bad, the space is too small, the energy is too dark... any number of factors can upset the balance and make it so you simply have to move on.

But the feeling of entering somewhere bright and open and welcoming makes up for the past few months. All the negativity from that dark hole-in-the-wall has been engulfed by the joy of having a place to call home.

The Value of Nature

 For Easter I chose to spend my afternoon at Sunset Cliffs. If I could, I would encourage everyone to spend at least part of each holiday outdoors.

Photo from Ikenbot

Jurassic Park 3D

On Saturday (March 30) I had the privilege of attending an advance screening of Jurassic Park in 3D. The tickets for San Diego were already claimed, but I acquired four up in La Jolla.

I was apprehensive prior to arriving at the theater.

Cloud Lightning

    I've always loved lightning storms. Many children are afraid of them, but I thought they were kind of amazing (and in fact, I remember making fun of my childhood best friend for her fear... I was such a nice kid... )

    When I was younger, my mom would take me out on the front porch to watch thunderstorms. I loved it. It made me feel brave and alive to be in the presence of nature while it was demonstrating its power.

The Symphony

 When I first began this blog, I had an idea for the name. I attempted to get it out of my head, but it stuck with me no matter how hard I tried to push it away.

Photo: LunaDawnImages

 I gave in and kept it. When asked why, I had an answer ready for my decision. (Post Here) The explanation made sense, and it was 100% true --at least at the time. It was how the idea came to me, as well as the full meaning behind it.

But I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to the story that I somehow simply wasn't seeing.

Tidelands Park

I’ve written about Coronado before (post here), and I know I will end up writing about it again in the future.

 

All Photos by LunaDawnImages

Recently I decided to check out a section of the island previously unexplored by me: Tidelands Park (Official Information Here). Tidelands, which is located on the southeastern corner of Coronado, provides spectacular views of the San Diego Bay, city skyline, and even the bay bridge!

Update

   Okay everyone, thank you for the patience as I rearrange the layout of my page! Everything has finished being shifted around for the most part. I still need to finish working on the pages at the tabs along the top, but in the meantime the contact page is finished if you need to get ahold of me.

   Also, I have added a new feature: polls! There are currently two located in the right column. They will periodically be changed, so check back frequently and feel free to add your feedback!

  Now that the major overhaul is completed, I will be back to writing more thorough/interesting posts in the next day or so! 

Papal Ponderings

The appointment of a new Pope has been a matter of great interest for me. Considering that typically when one is selected he remainds in his position for many years, I did not anticipate another conclave any time soon. Historically speaking, the selection of a new pope has almost always been heralded by the death of his predecessor. While Benedict XVI is certainly well along in years, he does not seem overly unhealthy.

And yet he resigned, taking the entire world by surprise in the process.

Hello!

By looking at my stats, it appears that I'm getting a noticeable increase in traffic! I suspect that most of it is a result of the link over on the Namibia Tourism site. I was recently contacted by them about writing an article. It posted today! The article (and some of my photos to accompany it) are located here.

More importantly though, if you're not here because you were already on their site, make sure to check it out. The Namibia Tourism Board (main site located here) is their national government agency responsible for providing information to potential visitors.

If you're considering a trip over to see why I was so captivated by the beautiful country, make sure to gather information first through that website!

Static

After living somewhere else, to come back here is depressing. I am thrilled to see my family and friends. I am happy to have some time to relax, to ignore the day-to-day madness for a while.

But nothing ever changes. Not in a comforting, feeling-of-home sort of way-- I love that things never change in that sense. I mean in the maddeningly oppressive sense.

Photo from Super Scholar

Norfolk has always been that way.

Lego City Anniversary

Today is February 3. One year ago today, I moved to San Diego. I can't believe it's been an entire year already, because in many ways it feels like it hasn't even been half that long.
In other ways, it seems like it has been far longer. There has been a lot of stress the past 2-3 months of it, which makes many days drag on and on and on...

I've formed many strong, valuable friendships. I've seen and done plenty of things that I couldn't have even begun to dream of in Virginia.

And in about a week, I should find out for certain whether or not I will still be here next year this time.
Happy anniversary, lego city. May I have many more. 

[New]

So just in time for new years eve (which begins in about 2 hours here), I have a new home, a new phone, and a new phone number. I'm still in San Diego, just on the other side of town.
I decided to spend Christmas in my last place, then spend the week between holidays doing last-minute packing and change locations... One holiday in each apartment...

I think it's fitting to move into a new place two days before a new year.

I still need to organize everything, but it feels pretty cozy already. :)

Absence

Sorry for the absence... it should be remedied next week. I've been extremely busy with trying to pack up to move around Christmas... moving day is set for this Saturday, then things should slowly return to normal.

дома

One day I will return to you, my true home. Don’t get me wrong; I love it here in San Diego. The weather is perfect; the people are [for the most part] kind. I’ve gotten to see and experience many things that I wouldn’t have if I had stayed living in Virginia. But this is not home … and if I had not been to you, I may not even recognize that things could be improved or that I was missing something.

Everything about you beckons me to come back, and one day I will. Even the photos from my brief stay reveal a level of contentment, of wonder and an overwhelmed sense of beauty that reflects the breathtaking countryside. I know that I exhibit no such appearance when gazing at anything here, much less when simply going about day-to-day duties.

I’m 22. I have many years ahead. I don’t know when, but I will be back to you, probably more than once. And one of the times, I pledge that I will stay and make you what you deserve to be: my home. 

dear you

you  – you seem to be an incredible person. I love our talks. I look forward to many more.

you  – I wish we got to hang out outside the usual time. I think you could be a fantastic friend.

you – I miss you so much more than I ever realized I would. I grew very attached to you the year before I came here.

you – I know you won’t occupy the old place in my life. but I can’t lose you entirely. I feel like further down the road, we’re going to need each other again.

you – I want to fly into town just to see you. the support we give each other is unmatched, and I think we both need that right now.

you – I’ve noticed that you don’t even pretend to care about anything that happens in my life. all that matters to you is the material. when all this is sorted out I don’t even think I want to hear from you anymore. it’s never about anything good anyway.

you – I’m so thrilled for the two of you. I’ve been waiting for this for a while now. I can’t wait to see you and congratulate you in person.

you – be careful. this is going to be a longer, more difficult journey than you think. you’re filled with so much excitement and joy, but there are many struggles ahead to go along with the happiness.

you – thank you for everything this year. things have turned around beautifully. I knew they could be worked out.  you keep day to day life exciting and pleasant, and for that I thank you.

Cityscape's Sleep

Cityscape went into hiding today. He sat there as normal last night, twinkling merrily against the black sky, then this morning… nothing. A flat grey area replaced the area he normally inhabits.

During the dead hours of early morning, he called out to Mother Nature for help. His whisper drew no attention from normal people, of course, for it sounded like the soft rumble of a distant train… and who notices that anymore, in this world so filled with machinery? As all of the citizens slumbered on, Cityscape whispered his plight in the patient ears of Mother Nature.

He described the misery and melancholy he witnessed day-by-day : the greed of the businessmen, the exploitation of the middle class, the constant trampling those even less fortunate. He explained how the media ignored the suffering so no one helped those who needed it, the cost of an education was rising so the next generation would never be able to rise above, and how all of the smaller local businesses were getting pushed out of the way by larger corporations. With a small sob—nothing more to those down below than a soft gust of wind—Cityscape turned his attention to the homeless. As he described their condition to Mother Nature, the lack of charity and compassion down below overwhelmed him, and a soft rain began to fall on the streets of the city.

Mother Nature listened sympathetically. She had heard of such troubles all over the globe, and had no solution. When Cityscape was able to control his tears, he asked her to help him escape. He said he could not bear the despair any longer, and hoped to find a new smaller town to build up with better results. Mother Nature exhaled a gentle sigh, and slightly larger waves began to crash along the shoreline from the pressure of her breath. She could not help Cityscape with what he desired. His city needed him if it would ever improve its condition. She paused for a moment before replying, and the night grew utterly still.

Finally, Mother Nature answered. She offered Cityscape a temporary respite from the troubles as a chance to revitalize himself. She drew up a large grey blanket and tucked it over him, murmuring softly “Sleep deeply and sleep long. When you awake, you need to continue the work you have begun here. Improve the lives of those down below.” He nodded sleepily, feeling the weariness of the daily struggle overpowering his ability to stay awake, and lifted the blanket up over his head. All those down below would wake to a world covered in fog.

Thankful

For many people, the month of November is a chance to post daily and express to the world what they're thankful for. Every day, they list something like "family," "friends," "my new puppy," or occasionally slightly more complex things such as "the ability to feel emotion" or whatever. I never participate in these posts... I think they're dumb. Yes, it's good to reflect on what you're Thankful for, but I can only handle reading so many posts every single day of "I'm thankful for my big brother not beating me up anymore like he did when we were younger" -- or whatever.

I'm making one, single post. Only one. Most years I don't even do that many.

This year, I'm thankful for life. Last Thanksgiving I was considering ending it... I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to try to stop me. Only a few people found out after I decided against it... everything was REALLY horribly depressing and bad for me a year ago. I felt trapped, and like things weren't going to get better. You can scroll back through my posts to a year ago and see that very clearly... 

I decided against it because I decided there was no way things could get worse than they were. I was wrong, of course, they briefly did get even more horrible... but then things started to look up a few months later. Starting in February, things began to improve. 

Now, a year later, nothing even slightly resembles the darkness of autumn 2011. I'm more than 2000 miles away from all of that bleakness and all of those problems. My relationships are strong. My sense of adventure is satisfied. Everything is still changing, and I don't know yet where I'll be living next August. I no longer feel trapped in Norfolk, like I'm going to have to deal with all of the impossible bullshit holding me down forever, and all of the horrible people tormenting me every single day. I'm free, I'm exploring the world, I have strong support, and I am alive.

So that's what I'm thankful for this year.

And now, please excuse me. Sitting outside typing in the beautiful 60 degree weather has been lovely, but I'm going to go back up to my cozy apartment, hang out with a friend, and look forward to experiencing Thanksgiving with all of my new companions tomorrow. 

explanation

I found some old poems I wrote, and posted them... so that's what the last two posts are. They aren't current or anything, but I wanted to post them anyway once I found them.

the sunset

You’ll never know

what you caused

there

on the beach of reinvention.

Everything was perfect

in my life

here

so far away.

cold water

salty air

hand-in-hand

the most breathtaking sunset

vibrant colours

slowly slipped

closer and closer

to the glittering waves

a seaside picnic

unknown adventure

everything brand new

an afternoon fit for a princess