What They Never Told You: A Place to Call Home

Last night I stayed for the first time in my new apartment. The furniture is not here yet, and the boxes are not yet unpacked, but it already feels more like home than the last place ever did.

No matter how hard I strived, I could not make that room I was renting feel like a place to belong... I always felt like a stranger there.

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, the effort itself is not enough. Sometimes you can not force a place to feel like home any more than you can force a person to be your friend or a pair of clothes three sizes too small to fill comfortably.

Sometimes the chemistry is too bad, the space is too small, the energy is too dark... any number of factors can upset the balance and make it so you simply have to move on.

But the feeling of entering somewhere bright and open and welcoming makes up for the past few months. All the negativity from that dark hole-in-the-wall has been engulfed by the joy of having a place to call home.

whirlwind

Life is such a crazy blur right now.
Wedding planning has begun. Apartment hunting has begun, and we found a place we want to move into. Some friends in San Diego threw us bachelor and bachelorette parties once we got back in town. My guy gets to start looking at orders next month to choose where he wants to be next August..Christmas is around the corner. It seems like everything is rushing up.

I'm actually really glad that I'm doing the whole housewife-thing right now (well, and working on photos) because I don't see any way that we'd be able to get ready to move by December 1 otherwise, or to have things unpacked before Christmas. haha

Enough

We spend our entire lives being told we're "too this" or "too that" or that we will never be "whatever enough."

Photo from here

 

Split

As a heads up, I may be distracted from updating this as much as I would like to for the next little while. I'm finally motivated and making huge steps in the direction of setting up my photography business--officially.

The largest most daunting task for me is the bulk of stuff necessary to legally have it set up and running. Plus before officially launching in the professional realm and charging money, I wanted to have a strong presence set up online so that everything looks nice if anyone contacts me.

I'm not releasing any details yet, but everything is definitely falling into place beautifully. In fact it's starting to look as if it is actually the perfect timing ... in addition to all of the preparation that has been going on behind the scenes over here, I've also been arranging with some people for portfolio building shoots, and have been accidentally falling into great networking opportunities.

Now I just have to keep from getting too overwhelmed. One step at a time. Then another. Then another. I've made enormous project in the last few weeks alone, and my goal is to have everything finished (online) before the middle of September.

Any input from people with online marketing/design/web-building experience, feel free to leave tips!

Break

I realized again the other day that this is an opportunity for something entirely new. Reinvention.
The first real chance I had at that was when I began college. All through elementary, middle, and high school I knew the same group of people and attended the same private school. Many of the people had known me since we were both young and awkward. It's difficult to break out of any box you have created for yourself in a situation like that. People occasionally did; they would come back from summer break with a makeover and new attitude--but that that was definitely the exception. Generally once you had been put into a box there, it was easier to just stay in it.
University gave me a sense of freedom. It was an entirely new location. A huge school compared to the one I had been at previously--my graduating class in high school had around 50 students-- that spread out over several acres gave me a chance at anonymity that I had never previously known. I began to thrive. It was a chance for self-exploration, as college should be, and since I was happy my grades were excellent as well.
I ended up having to take some time off of school after a year or so, and haven't gone back yet. I kept making new friends and exploring new interests, obviously, but there wasn't the same opportunity for expansion as before. The entire area had grown stale. Hampton Roads, while it has things to offer, is not a place where I wanted to spend my entire life.
Moving out here is the chance I needed to take, I think. It's giving me a chance to figure out who I want to be --who I want to be known as, what skills and traits I want to emphasize, what sort of impact I want to leave. While I had a great reputation back home and can not think of anyone who really disliked me, I still needed a fresh start somewhere new. A chance to break out.

The Road Ahead

Photo credit: LunaDawnImages

Sometimes the road of life stretches before us, way farther than we can see, and it gets terrifying. It's really important to take everything one step at a time. If you don't, it is easy to get overwhelmed with "what if"s and silly little worries. In the past few years, I've witnessed this time and again--not just in my own life, but in the lives of my friends as well. The moment you allow yourself to get caught up in silly little worries, it becomes extremely difficult to break free and to enjoy the magic of each day. 

That's the beauty of life: the adventure. We need to remember to not take things too seriously... sit back, surround yourself with creative and inspirational people, and enjoy the ride.

Cell

"This third planet in this solar system of this universe has hot regions where more tears than rain fall, and I am sorry. Sorry about all the tears I have caused to fall. Sorry that words cannot always explain. Not even when one uses one's hands to explain...

Progression

Things are starting to come together, a bit at a time. Hopefully they'll continue to fall into place, and as quickly as possible.

I've switched my bank and have my new address. I'm meeting people. I'm making plenty of acquaintances who I can easily see becoming friends in the weeks and months to come.

Relationships are strengthening. Stability feels as though it is forming, at least a little bit.

It all doesn't feel as scary as I thought it might. 

Brand New

I'm loving my new home. Everything is an adventure right now. It's all still so unknown and thrilling. I know as soon as a few more weeks pass and I start working somewhere, a routine will develop and things will seem relatively normal.

But still. This is what I have wanted for so long. 

I'm on my own (granted, I do know people here, obviously...but still. I'm over 2500 miles away from family and most of my friends). I'm going to be learning to rely only on myself. It's a big step. 

Honestly, I can't even begin to express how excited I am. 

Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages

Permanent Vacation

How many of you have ever gone somewhere on vacation, and thought “I never want to leave,” and wished that you could simply make a new life in this place rather than returning to home, wherever that is? Everyone, I’m sure. I’ve had that thought countless times on vacation. The escape of the day-to-day troubles and stress of life easily has that effect on people.

Different from that, however, is a deeper feeling that a place could become home. Not everyone has had that experience when exploring a new locale. A feeling such as that makes leaving far more complicated. It can be brought about by a feeling of fitting in within a place, or a deep love and respect for a culture, or by knowing enough people in a city…I’m sure there are countless other ways as well.

I digress. The point of this post is that I have apparently just unintentionally stumbled into a permanent vacation.  Details behind the cut. 

This Is What Democracy Looks Like ...

Sorry it’s been a bit quiet on my side of the internet recently. I’ve been busy with stuff around here. Between work, family obligations, and my normal two nights out for clubbing and open mic night, I’m usually busy but still have enough time for other things. Last week my schedule for work suddenly was switched, however, and I’ve also been spending most of my extra time downtown for Occupy Norfolk.

Details under the cut...