Frustration

Remember this post? Yeah, my novel idea has still not returned to me. It's very frustrating. I can feel it, I just can't actually remember it.

It can come back any time now. Really.

I'm probably going to start making myself write short unimportant stories a few times a week, though, in an effort to force some literary creativity.

Whisper in the Ear of a Ghost

-You’re right. I know you’re right. And I know what needs to happen. I’m listening when we talk, really. I’m just not ready yet. Unless something changes, the time for that will come, and relatively soon.

-If any of this matters, you need to show me. Your time is running out. I can’t wait for you forever. Everything has been pushed off for you long enough, and if this doesn’t appear to be a priority, I’ll quickly lose my reasons to hang on.

-You’ve been inspiring me for the past 6 months. Thank you. A lot of the steps I’ve recently made in the right direction are the result of interactions with you.

-That hurts, worse than you can know. There really is no chance anymore, is there?

-I miss getting to see you more often. I know we’re both really busy, but let’s start making more time, ok?

-The hours fly by with you, and are some of the most pleasant ones I spend. I’m glad we’ve been seeing more of each other again. You teach me so much without even realizing it.

-We’ve been through so much. I was thinking about that the other day. It’s unbelievable how much we’ve grown and changed together. Is it as hard for you to remember the beginning as it is for me? We were entirely different. I’m so glad that through all these years we’ve stayed close. 

Upcoming

New adventures are on the horizon. I'm branching out.

The past two years do not have to be entirely useless and wasted. I've become far more confident. I've gained the people whom I need in my life. Old insecurities have been destroyed.

I'm about to launch into the best season of my life, and what better time to start than the month before my favourite holiday? Look out, everyone. :)

Big things are coming.

Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages 

Newsflash

I will not let you hold me back. It's onward and upward from here on out.
Join me or get out of my path.

Dreams are meant to be pursued, not ignored and sidelined.

Get ready

Everything, absolutely everything, is about to change.


Except perhaps the presence of a few of you.

the edge of reason

This is self destruct mode.
We've reached the edge of everything. The final limit.

The Company You Keep

What determines who becomes friends and who doesn't? If you throw a group of people in a room together every day for a few months, who creates a bond that will extend outside that?

Is it based on past circumstances? or current situations? future dreams and goals?

Common interests? Personality traits? Star signs?

It's always weird to me how I fall together with my friends. A lot of them are people I would never have predicted at first.

Rompecabeza

Escribo las cosas más emocionales en Español o Ruso o Africaans. Mis sentimientos son un enigma.

Doppelgänger

¿Que debes hacer, si tu ex novio esta saliendo con una chica nueva...y esa chica se parece como ti?
especialmente si todavía le amas a tu ex...
Que doloroso.

Composition

A few nights back I came up with a really incredible idea for a story. I worked it all out in my head, and was looking forward to starting on it, but it was really late at night and I was about to pass out.

I remember thinking "I need to write this down so I don't forget all the details," but ended up falling asleep instead...and now I don't remember any of it at all.

I'm so disappointed. I haven't felt genuinely inspired to write any stories for quite a few years now. I was thrilled when I got that idea... and now every time I try to remember, I feel like the idea is getting pushed back and away further.

Hopefully it will return eventually.

Current stats

Congratulations, USA! Your current viewing stats on my blog show you as being entirely evil.

Although, I'm not sure my little flag counter at the bottom is accurate. I have way more view counts showing up from other countries that never register on that counter. It's been a little finicky ever since I added it. Oh well.

Essence

I was thinking last week about how people view each other and whether that's how each person actually wants to be seen. I think everyone has an idea of who he or she is, and how they want everyone else to see them, but since people are so complex it's impossible to convey all of that to everyone you meet. The people with whom you have the closest bonds obviously know a greater part of you than an acquaintance from work or the bar. However, friendships are built on common interests and, especially if your interests are widespread, even good friends may not know all of a person.

With that in mind, I was thinking over who I see myself as and how I want to convey myself to those around me. I started wondering how well that was translating over to those I see regularly, and sent out messages to some of my friends and family asking them to describe me in 3 or 4 different words. The key is to be as specific as possible, not using vague terms such as "cool" or "nice," actually trying to capture the essence of a person in a few words.

I've gotten back quite a few responses, but want to post it here as well. If you happen to read this, either leave me a comment or email me with your descriptions.

(ETA:  The key to this is honesty rather than flattery. Allow me to stress that this is not fishing for compliments. If you recognize a personality flaw, please feel free to point it out as well. For instance, I realize that on occasion I come across as overly critical, stubborn, etc...and while that is obviously not my goal for how I would like people to see me, it does happen, especially when I'm having bad days.)

Once I have quite a few gathered up, I plan to do something with all of the responses. I haven't quite figured out exactly what yet, but I'm going to figure out how to put them all together in a way that expresses me.

siempre

Siempre seré tuya, mi amor.

Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages

Self Portrait

“Everything is a self-portrait. A diary. Your whole drug history’s in a strand of your hair. Your fingernails. The forensic details. The lining of your stomach is a document. The calluses on your hand tell all your secrets. Your teeth give you away. Your accent. The wrinkles around your mouth and eyes. Everything you do shows your hand.”
 -Chuck Palahniuk

I know I just recently posted a quote by him, but I like this one too so I couldn't pass it up. I didn't want to lose it. 

If

If this is all worth it, make it obvious...

because I can't do this much longer.

Memento

“At some point, your memories, your stories, your adventures, will be the only things you'll have left.”-Chuck Palahniuk

I wear these things as reminders of all of you.

This bracelet, this ring, this wrist band, this necklace.

These earrings.

Each object, whenever I choose to wear it, reminds me of one of you. For me, jewelry isn't about adding to an outfit, so much as taking those whom I love along with me wherever I go.

Memories are attached to objects; people are attached to memories.

Each piece brings back recollections of when they were received. Circumstances. Locations. Company.

Maybe I am entirely too sentimental.

These happened to be what I was wearing while typing this,
so I thought I might as well capture the moment...