Clarity

This week has been a struggle.
I haven't had one like it in quite a while. Every day, it seems, has been a sharp reminder of the choices I have made...

If, in this circumstance, I had done that instead, this is how things would be.

I know that in some ways we obviously can't know all the alternate paths things could take...but this week, I am certain that I have seen how it would have gone two years ago. If things were different. I can't go back and live it, but I can see it very clearly. The exact path things would have taken.

Or really, not even two years ago. I can see how things would have gone if they had changed many times in the past year as well.

None of it matters now. Every day, the future gets more set in stone and there's less of a chance of any of that coming true.

I've cried over it many days and nights.

But you know what? There are so many different paths that can be taken. I'm on this one, and it's going to end up being the right one for me.



I just wish that I wouldn't get these random bursts of clarity and windows into how things would be if I had followed all of the other options.