Goodbye, little friend..

During my Junior year of high school, I bought a dwarf african claw frog. Super tiny. Super cute.
His name was Froskur.

He's been there for the past 5 years, happily swimming around his tank and hanging out, and coming up to the front and looking at me when I'd be nearby.

After a period of sickness and deterioration as old age caught up with him, he died this morning. Even though it was "just a frog," I'm still pretty sad. He was my little friend, something consistent through a few years where it seemed like absolutely everything around me kept changing.

ACHTUNG!

Quando ek estoy грустна, io nie hablo англиский яазык nie.

Respite

After frantically rushing around for the past three weeks in an effort to finish making Christmas presents and mailing cards and baking and helping clean (plus work, and other commitments), I have finally finished everything. It is Christmas Eve, and after work ended at noon I was able to spend the entire afternoon and evening with my family.

It has been lovely.

I go to pick up my boyfriend at midnight (only 45 minutes to go!), and he will be visiting me for two weeks. I'm so excited. Hopefully this will all serve as a nice break from harsh day-to-day life. :)

repeat

A recurring theme in my dreams recently has been fairly interesting. The first time it happened it surprised me, but now some variation of this dream has happened countless evenings in a row.

Many details vary by the night; though, each time a few things are the same. It always begins with a sequence of events demonstrating that this place is no good, and that America is not as safe or free as we are led to believe. It becomes increasingly dangerous. I refuse to deal with the current events leading to a further deteriorated state, and begin speaking out. At some point I realize it is no longer safe for me to stay here.

Somehow I manage to get on a plane and leave the country. The details branch out and get fuzzier from there. I'm not sure how I leave ... I just know I decide to defect. As far as I remember, all of the dreams involve a decision to seek asylum in South Africa.

It's just interesting how I've had so many nearly identical dreams recently ..

little sprouts

Just so we're clear, these shores have never been the ones with which my loyalties lie. Granted, those feelings intensified upon finding a place I could love deeply enough to proudly call home, but they did not initially blossom in that instant. They had been there for years, lying dormant, simply waiting for the right moment to grow.

guardian of family treasures

I am my family's designated heirloom recipient. Anything meant to be passed down, with a few exceptions, goes to me.
After giving this more thought than I should give anything at 3am, I've determined it may be a little strange for me to already own so many things belonging to dead people at age 21.

Finally

Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages

I have been holding on to these for almost two years, deciding what to do with them. They are stones I brought back with me from my trip to Namibia. I've finally decided what to do with them. :)

Helpless, or waiting for a sign?

I've recently realized that quite often when I feel like nothing will change and that I'm stuck in an enormous rut, the problem isn't really that I'm surrounded by something as hopeless as I think. Quite often, I'm not helpless at all.

It's never an issue of not actually being able to find a way out; rather, it's an issue of needing a sign that one day this will be over. There's always a turning point, and for me that is quite often a sign that I could easily miss. I've found that especially when feeling the most down, I need to pay close attention to my circumstances, and make sure to not pass up any opportunities that could bring about change... Those circumstances are usually the ones that make everything take a huge uphill climb shortly afterward.

I had one of those moments shortly after Thanksgiving. It has been all uphill since then, and things are sorting themselves out wonderfully at the moment.
I finally feel like I'm back in a way that I haven't since, really, May 2009 or before. It's been a really long journey since then, and especially since May 2010 it's been really awful most of the time.
Things have finally turned.
So grateful. And feeling extremely productive, getting a ton of things done to head in this wonderful new direction in front of me.

Everything was put back in perspective recently, and it's wonderful. Everything isn't easy still, obviously, but it's looking up.

Idiomas

I've determined that the more exhausted I am, the less likely I am to find myself thinking in english.

Sunday, Productive Sunday

All day I've been working on cleaning, reorganizing, and redecorating my room. It's a wonderful feeling. Just moving things a tiny bit and having everything freshly dusted/washed/vacuumed makes my space feel entirely different.

I've been feeling very creatively inspired recently, so I decided I needed to freshen up my studio. Really, with only one room to call my own, it has to be a studio as well as a bedroom. 

It's looking a lot better already. I have more ideas for tomorrow and Wednesday when I'm off work. It should begin to transform soon into a space entirely new. 

Behaviour Guidelines #1

If I were to run a country, things would be different. Starting now, I'm going to post something every once in a while that I'd do differently.

Today's rule, the first of [probably] many to come, is very simple. Accept the Past, Focus on the Future.


In America, so much focus is given to things that already happened and that can not be changed. So here's a new guideline for it. If people who have been wronged are still alive, deal with that and ask forgiveness for wrongs committed against them. If they aren't alive, it already happened, make goals to never let something similar happen again and work toward those.

I'm tired of hearing about "hey 30 generations back my family was wronged and I deserve to be recompensated." That's unfortunate, but almost everyone had a relative somewhere who was a slave or who was treated unfairly by someone in a position of power, if you trace your family history back far enough. None of that really has anything to do with people alive now.

Now if your family still has people alive who lived through something like that, you have a case. Aside from that, just drop it, focus on the future, and move on.

Frustration

Remember this post? Yeah, my novel idea has still not returned to me. It's very frustrating. I can feel it, I just can't actually remember it.

It can come back any time now. Really.

I'm probably going to start making myself write short unimportant stories a few times a week, though, in an effort to force some literary creativity.

Whisper in the Ear of a Ghost

-You’re right. I know you’re right. And I know what needs to happen. I’m listening when we talk, really. I’m just not ready yet. Unless something changes, the time for that will come, and relatively soon.

-If any of this matters, you need to show me. Your time is running out. I can’t wait for you forever. Everything has been pushed off for you long enough, and if this doesn’t appear to be a priority, I’ll quickly lose my reasons to hang on.

-You’ve been inspiring me for the past 6 months. Thank you. A lot of the steps I’ve recently made in the right direction are the result of interactions with you.

-That hurts, worse than you can know. There really is no chance anymore, is there?

-I miss getting to see you more often. I know we’re both really busy, but let’s start making more time, ok?

-The hours fly by with you, and are some of the most pleasant ones I spend. I’m glad we’ve been seeing more of each other again. You teach me so much without even realizing it.

-We’ve been through so much. I was thinking about that the other day. It’s unbelievable how much we’ve grown and changed together. Is it as hard for you to remember the beginning as it is for me? We were entirely different. I’m so glad that through all these years we’ve stayed close. 

Upcoming

New adventures are on the horizon. I'm branching out.

The past two years do not have to be entirely useless and wasted. I've become far more confident. I've gained the people whom I need in my life. Old insecurities have been destroyed.

I'm about to launch into the best season of my life, and what better time to start than the month before my favourite holiday? Look out, everyone. :)

Big things are coming.

Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages 

Newsflash

I will not let you hold me back. It's onward and upward from here on out.
Join me or get out of my path.

Dreams are meant to be pursued, not ignored and sidelined.

Get ready

Everything, absolutely everything, is about to change.


Except perhaps the presence of a few of you.

the edge of reason

This is self destruct mode.
We've reached the edge of everything. The final limit.

The Company You Keep

What determines who becomes friends and who doesn't? If you throw a group of people in a room together every day for a few months, who creates a bond that will extend outside that?

Is it based on past circumstances? or current situations? future dreams and goals?

Common interests? Personality traits? Star signs?

It's always weird to me how I fall together with my friends. A lot of them are people I would never have predicted at first.

Rompecabeza

Escribo las cosas más emocionales en Español o Ruso o Africaans. Mis sentimientos son un enigma.

Doppelgänger

¿Que debes hacer, si tu ex novio esta saliendo con una chica nueva...y esa chica se parece como ti?
especialmente si todavía le amas a tu ex...
Que doloroso.

Composition

A few nights back I came up with a really incredible idea for a story. I worked it all out in my head, and was looking forward to starting on it, but it was really late at night and I was about to pass out.

I remember thinking "I need to write this down so I don't forget all the details," but ended up falling asleep instead...and now I don't remember any of it at all.

I'm so disappointed. I haven't felt genuinely inspired to write any stories for quite a few years now. I was thrilled when I got that idea... and now every time I try to remember, I feel like the idea is getting pushed back and away further.

Hopefully it will return eventually.

Current stats

Congratulations, USA! Your current viewing stats on my blog show you as being entirely evil.

Although, I'm not sure my little flag counter at the bottom is accurate. I have way more view counts showing up from other countries that never register on that counter. It's been a little finicky ever since I added it. Oh well.

Essence

I was thinking last week about how people view each other and whether that's how each person actually wants to be seen. I think everyone has an idea of who he or she is, and how they want everyone else to see them, but since people are so complex it's impossible to convey all of that to everyone you meet. The people with whom you have the closest bonds obviously know a greater part of you than an acquaintance from work or the bar. However, friendships are built on common interests and, especially if your interests are widespread, even good friends may not know all of a person.

With that in mind, I was thinking over who I see myself as and how I want to convey myself to those around me. I started wondering how well that was translating over to those I see regularly, and sent out messages to some of my friends and family asking them to describe me in 3 or 4 different words. The key is to be as specific as possible, not using vague terms such as "cool" or "nice," actually trying to capture the essence of a person in a few words.

I've gotten back quite a few responses, but want to post it here as well. If you happen to read this, either leave me a comment or email me with your descriptions.

(ETA:  The key to this is honesty rather than flattery. Allow me to stress that this is not fishing for compliments. If you recognize a personality flaw, please feel free to point it out as well. For instance, I realize that on occasion I come across as overly critical, stubborn, etc...and while that is obviously not my goal for how I would like people to see me, it does happen, especially when I'm having bad days.)

Once I have quite a few gathered up, I plan to do something with all of the responses. I haven't quite figured out exactly what yet, but I'm going to figure out how to put them all together in a way that expresses me.

siempre

Siempre seré tuya, mi amor.

Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages

Self Portrait

“Everything is a self-portrait. A diary. Your whole drug history’s in a strand of your hair. Your fingernails. The forensic details. The lining of your stomach is a document. The calluses on your hand tell all your secrets. Your teeth give you away. Your accent. The wrinkles around your mouth and eyes. Everything you do shows your hand.”
 -Chuck Palahniuk

I know I just recently posted a quote by him, but I like this one too so I couldn't pass it up. I didn't want to lose it. 

If

If this is all worth it, make it obvious...

because I can't do this much longer.

Memento

“At some point, your memories, your stories, your adventures, will be the only things you'll have left.”-Chuck Palahniuk

I wear these things as reminders of all of you.

This bracelet, this ring, this wrist band, this necklace.

These earrings.

Each object, whenever I choose to wear it, reminds me of one of you. For me, jewelry isn't about adding to an outfit, so much as taking those whom I love along with me wherever I go.

Memories are attached to objects; people are attached to memories.

Each piece brings back recollections of when they were received. Circumstances. Locations. Company.

Maybe I am entirely too sentimental.

These happened to be what I was wearing while typing this,
so I thought I might as well capture the moment...

Quattro Anni

The past few years so much has been going on. So many things have changed. Constantly.

Today is Oct 30th...Devil's Night. 2011.

Thinking back a year ago, 2010, things were different. I was first starting to get to know the people I spent most of my time with now. I was becoming more brave, less shy, more confident.

Two years ago, I was someone else's girl. Year 2009. Doing other things. With other people. Studying at school still.

Three years ago, 2008, today was the first day of getting involved in the local goth/industrial scene. First taste, to be quickly followed by more as the year progressed.

Four years ago. 2007. Senior year of high school. Halloween parties, etc. I don't see or even speak to any of those people anymore. They're all different. I am different. Nothing is the same from 2007 to now.

Let's see what the next 365 days bring, shall we?

Jarring

I meant to post this last Thursday when it happened, but I forgot by the time I got home from work.

An old man who had to carry a bottle of oxygen around with him to breathe came into my store on Thursday. He had ordered parts from our parts counter in the back of the store, and they had come in but were not quite right so they needed to be fixed. We were going to replace them and call him back to pick them up on Friday. As he and I were walking back up to the front of the store after resolving the issue, I apologized to the man for the inconvenience and told him I would call him as soon as his new parts were ready.

He looked at me, still wheezing through his oxygen tubes, and told me very seriously "I'm 80 years old, and I have all the time in the world. There's no rush."

It put me in my place very quickly. He's 80. He can't even breathe on his own anymore; he has trouble walking; he likely has difficulties taking care of himself on a daily basis. And here he was, telling me that there's no rush.

If anyone should be in a rush, it should be that man. I know if I were him, I'd most likely be thinking that my time is short and I might as well do everything I can, all the time.

But if this man doesn't feel the need to rush, and can just enjoy every moment no matter what comes... why can't I?

So that's my challenge for this week. Enjoy everything. Don't get upset over little things. There's plenty of time.

para ti...

You all should know by now that every few months I do a message out to people. Vague. No names attached. Just a bunch of snippets to people, to get things out. This is one of those times.


-You're very intense, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first. I'm quickly growing to love you, and to cherish the friendship that is growing.
-I'd drop all of this and leave it behind in a moment. I wasn't ready before.
-That conversation the other night was so encouraging. Thank you.
-You think you can suddenly pop up the moment you think you can control me, and that I will fall right in to it. Don't you think you're exactly the type of person I'm planning to get away from?
-That day hurt. It surprised me...It still surprises me. But I guess it makes sense, considering what you were.
-Most days I can't even remember how it feels.
-You encourage me to be better than I am, and I don't think you realize it even a little bit. I wish we had met when there was more time.
-I wish everyone could see you the way you really are. It's wonderful.
-You're the best person I know. I'm honoured to be this close to you, and it's wonderful to see you a few times each month. I hope to be just like you when I'm older.
-I'm glad we're out of each other's lives. I realized tonight how much we've both changed. We wouldn't even recognize each other anymore.
-I don't know if I feel comfortable with you now.

Busybusybusy

This weekend isn't taking shape quite the way I would like it to. I've been fighting getting sick successfully for a while, but I think it finally has defeated me. My throat has been killing me the past three days, and I just feel all-around gross.

It's causing a few problems for my normal weekend schedule. I couldn't go out to Occupy Norfolk yesterday anyway because I had family stuff to do, but if I had been free I don't think I would have felt well enough to march two and a half miles while screaming chants. If my throat ALREADY hurts, I can't imagine what that would do to it.

Anyway, once the family commitments were over around 8, I went to my best friend's house for a movie night last night. I love nights like that. We don't get them very often anymore because of crazy schedules, and juggling too many different activities at a time.

All I want to do with my day is sit at home for once, and relax, and play sims 3 or watch movies or something.

But I'll probably end up out doing stuff all day. As usual.

canvas

Never forget, my loves. The entire world is your studio. Rewrite the script; fill the page. Play the tune however you want. This is your world and your chance to shape it.

Sunday

It's Sunday. I'm about to head to downtown Norfolk...helping with camp security from 6-9am. After that, though, I'm using today to learn stuff.

I know I've asked this before, but everyone give me something to learn about!

:/

The months are passing just like seconds,
ticking away.

And I'm still here. Still. HERE.

And the horrible part is, I'm caring less and less about getting there.
I still want out, don't get me wrong.

But what's the point in going there?
Will it even be worth it?

not to be dramatic

But when I think of you, I can't breathe.

Unrelated, and more personal

I couldn't include this with the other post because it is far off topic. But on a more personal level, here is what has been going on recently.

This Is What Democracy Looks Like ...

Sorry it’s been a bit quiet on my side of the internet recently. I’ve been busy with stuff around here. Between work, family obligations, and my normal two nights out for clubbing and open mic night, I’m usually busy but still have enough time for other things. Last week my schedule for work suddenly was switched, however, and I’ve also been spending most of my extra time downtown for Occupy Norfolk.

Details under the cut...

Justice?

Troy Davis executed after 11th-hour appeal fails at the San Francisco Chronicle

Linked above is an article covering the execution of Troy Davis last night. I was holding out hope until the very end that they would decide to give him a new trial, but my wishes were not to come true.

What troubles me about this entire case, is that it is a clear sign to the entire world of the weaknesses in our "Justice" system. People were watching and waiting to learn Troy Davis's fate worldwide. In the end, the number of supporters he had--even worldwide--and the glaring lack of evidence connecting him to the crime he supposedly committed 22 years ago, didn't matter.

If we are going to execute people who have not really been proven guilty, then no one is safe. Who's next?




Another thing I found this morning though, is this article. Should be interesting to see what they do.

Fuck the American Dream.

Memorable

My goal for tonight that I posted on facebook before going out to spend time with some friends was this:

"Let's make tonight memorable; let's make tonight wonderful."

But why not every night? Obviously no one goes out and has the goal of being miserable and having an awful time...but why can we not always focus on having a great time and making sure everyone else around us does as well?

It's about creating memories; it's about living; it's about experiencing things together and creating something that will last with your friends for years to come.

Ten or twenty years from now, I'm sure most small nights won't stand out. They will have been forgotten. So why not make every night as wonderful and as memorable as possible...?

I'm going to work toward that.

ты...

> I don't want this one to be the same. It's not fair to the others already. I hope you've learned.
> You'll never know how close it came to self-destruct mode.
> I can't watch this. You still have time to fix things.
> Finally, I'm immune to your charms. Let's make this the strongest friendship possible.
> If priorities were shifted to a different order, you would be the one.
> Stop lying about the intentions behind your actions, and stop expecting things that will never happen. I will not talk to you about the things I need to talk about with a stranger around.
> We do not see enough of each other. I've known you the longest out of that group, and I see you the least.
> Maybe one day a sense of finality will be achieved.
> How things are with you are wonderful. I'm glad we've reached this point, and you're one of the smartest girls I know by far. Keep reaching for the stars.

Ek kry koud op my eie ...

Die Heuwels Fantasties- In En Uit

Kry jy ook koud op jou eie?

I love this band

Uni

I need to get back to school, for real. It's driving me crazy to not be studying something and working toward my degree.

I think I'm going to look into American Public University System. It's online so I could study no matter when/where I move, and I could still go for an English major, but with a minor in International Relations. It would be extremely useful.

One of my friends is pursuing a psychology degree through them, so I'll talk to her about her opinions of the school..

Hmph.

Life is weird.

Makes my brain hurt...

Evacuate

You are what is keeping me here...if for some reason what we have between us ever were to shatter, so would all remaining loyalty to this place.
I will be on my way to distant shores. Permanently.

America has never felt like a home.

Blink

Everything comes to an end. Everything. Whether it is something you enjoy, despise, or feel entirely neutral about, nothing lasts forever. It's a very startling thought.

On one hand, it's comforting to know that the bad situations can only exist for so long. One day they'll be behind me; and, although I will have new struggles, at least it will not be the same ones forever.

More disappointing, though, is the thought that the good things will all eventually end as well. One day I will not frequent the same places I go now. I can accept that, even though it may be sad to look back. Friendships last longer than situations, but still after enough years even the strongest friendships come apart--whether by simply growing in separate directions, or huge fallouts, or ultimately death. I finally have some of the best people I've ever met as very close friends--people who are genuinely worth knowing and worth relying on.

It makes me afraid to blink. Days fly by, even months. If I stop paying attention for a second, I'm going to realize I'm ten or twenty years older, and all of this is gone. The moments most worth living, the ones that are the most memorable, are the ones that fly by the most quickly. Time to make every second count and enjoy it.

Seven

My goal for today is to learn something new about 7 different things. I’m going to leave it fairly vague so that as I look through information, whatever sticks out to me is what I can focus on. I am just so tired of not expanding my knowledge, that I need to do something about it.

My categories for the day are as follows:

-An important historical event

-An influential person

-A social issue

-5 new words in 3 different languages

-Further knowledge on a psychological theory

-Further knowledge on a linguistic theory

-Unknown, someone recommend something to me

Help me out? :)  In addition to a 7th category, I'm also interested to see if anyone wants to recommend something specific for me to check out under the other 6 categories. Feel free to link things to me or to simply post information. Thanks so much.

Surprise

Every once in a while, people do things that catch me off guard in the best possible way. Today was one of those occasions.

I woke up around 11am and fed my cat, then passed out for a few more hours. I awoke to my phone ringing it, so I answered groggily and was met by the voice of a close friend who lives 6 hours away. He asked me what I was doing, and when I said I had just woken up and was still lying in bed I was told that I should walk outside. Excitedly, I hung up and walked out to find him and another friend of his standing in my driveway.

They knew that I had been upset recently and that I needed a good day, and decided to drive up and surprise me. I later found out that my best friend here was also in on the secret.

:)

Coincidence?

5 of Cups


Interesting email I received of tarot explanations behind the cut. I get one each week, but it's weird that this showed up now.

Overdue

My best friend and I are having a drunken movie night :)

I've needed this. So much.

:)

...

я не знаю.

пмогите мне.

пожалуйста..

Nothing can be right that hurts this badly, can it?

Impact

"We must rapidly begin the shift from a "thing-oriented" society to a "person-oriented" society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered." 

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'd like to challenge myself along with anyone else who reads this... Improve circumstances for someone else. Go out of your way to make someone's life better. Stand up for injustice. Assist the weak. Whatever that means for you, do something to make the world a better place for those around you.

ТЮРЬМА

Не могу выезжать. жизнь – не моя. моя жизнь прекрасна и свободный. Я авантюристa. Мне нужны новое зрелище...новые страны, новие люди. каждое мгновение должно быть захватывающим.

я скучаю университета.   Путешествия. Удовлетворение.

Мне 21 лет. это моя время. 

Blaze

Because of Hurricane Irene, the electricity in my house has not worked since either Friday or Saturday. I'm not sure which. When I returned home Sunday afternoon, everything was off.

It finally got fixed tonight. I drove by my house from the store on the way to visit Nicole, and noticed that lights were on in the house. My initial reaction of "oh thank goodness, finally" was quickly replaced by "oh NO" as I realized that the powerlines were sparking. I continued down the street, monitoring the scene in my rearview mirror, and was startled to notice showers of sparks raining down and smoke pouring from the lines as a few small explosions happened.

I had to act quickly. After the house survived the hurricane, here it was about to perish in a blaze caused by the electric lines running down the street?

Because I had called to report my outage earlier, the number for the electric company was still in my phone. I spoke to a representative, who informed me that I needed to go tell the nearest crew ASAP and that from there someone would also contact the fire department. Her voice emphasized the seriousness of the matter as she explained "if something is not done quickly, we could have a large-scale fire on our hands."

I raced over a few streets to the electric crew currently at work. The Dominion Power representative was still on the line with me. As I reached the work crews and looked up, the lines overhead began to spark. Only a moment later, the sparks stopped as flames began racing down the power lines. I told the lady on the phone that the lines were the same where crews were already working, and she informed me that she would call me back if anything important came up.


So scary.

Infinite

"After the dance, we left in Sam's pickup. Patrick was driving this time. As we were approaching the Fort Pitt Tunnel, Sam asked Patrick to pull to the side of the road. I didn't know what was going on. Sam climbed in the back of the pickup, wearing nothing but her dance dress. She told Patrick to drive, and he got this smile on his face. I guess they had done this before...Anyway, Patrick started driving really fast, and just before we got to the tunnel, Sam stood up, and the wind turned her dress into ocean waves. When we hit the tunnel, all the sound got scooped up into a vaccuum, and it was replaced by a song on the tape player. A beautiful song called "Landslide." When we got out of the tunnel, Sam screamed this really fun scream, and there it was. Downtown. Lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick started laughing. I started laughing. And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." -The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

I have loved this quote for the past few years since reading "The Perks of Being A Wallflower" for the first time. I thought it was one of the most beautiful quotes ever, but had not personally experienced something that I knew could be described by it.

Until last night.

Sitting around with friends, listening to music together--EXPERIENCING music together. Talking. Relaxing. Drinking. Just being ourselves. It was comfortable, and satisfying, and perfect.   And I could finally understand it. For sure.

Break

This is so appropriate today that I'm going to link to it, even though I posted it two months ago.


Splinter

Shake

I experienced my first earthquake yesterday while at work.

At first I noticed things moving a little, but since I am dizzy so often anyway I thought maybe it was my eyes/brain playing a trick on me. I looked around to where my other coworkers were standing, and they had confused looks on their faces as well as though they were wondering the same thing. As I scanned the store, I realized everything on the walls had begun to sway.

Luckily it was not very strong where I live, so the moment quickly passed and everything returned to normal.

I never expected to have that experience here in Virginia.

Improvement

I'm challenging myself, as well as anyone who reads this.

Don't be content.

Don't let things remain how they are...whatever that may include.

Learn. Grow. Create.

I spend so much time complaining, at least inwardly, about people being stupid. I need to stop judging.

But at the same time, that should be a sign for me to never stop learning.

These next two weeks, I'm going to expand my knowledge.

Anyone who reads this, take that challenge as well.

Also, feel free to share your knowledge. Maybe we'd all benefit if people would take more time to teach each other.

Zwei Herzen

"Zwei Seelen und ein Gedanke,
Zwei Herzen und ein Schlag."

- Eligius Franz Joseph von Münch-Bellinghausen

Practice

"Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up."

Chuck Palahniuk

Unless

Here's some Dr Seuss...

"Mister!", he said with a sawdusty sneeze,

"I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees.

I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues,

And I'm asking you, sir, at the top of my lungs..."

Check this out...

Some friends of mine just released a music video. Check it out :)

[0PT-0UT : Queen of Lies]


Here is more information about their band :)

Wrong

Today I woke up in the wrong city. The bed was warm, comfortable, safe, my own. The placement was all wrong. It was in a familiar room, but not the one I wanted.

Breakfast, although tasty, was made up of items far too familiar. Nothing new. Nothing exotic. Nothing craved.

The first signs of society I glimpsed further emphasized this feeling that something was off. I knew these people well. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I needed to be surrounded by strangers, people whom I did not know and whom I could not understand. These people all spoke the same language—my language. Where was the challenge in that?

The familiar road led me to a well-known little building where I would pass my day. Work, but not of the variety I needed… no intelligence or thought required. Simply press the buttons, pick up the receiver, hold robotic conversations with the masses. Repeat. All. Day. Long.

The later hours, although filled with the sort of people referred to as friends, were not as stimulating as I hoped. Wonderful, familiar faces. Activities to keep me busy and allow socialization. And yet, I could picture where I would like to be spending my evenings. And although wonderful, these people did not share my dreams. Half of them were content simply being here…not expanding knowledge, not exploring new horizons. But how inspiring can such company be?

Today I awoke in a land not my own. A stranger in my own town. Maybe one day I’ll be in my true home.

alledaagse

Ek mis jou.

...en ek kan nie glo dat ek die geleentheid gehad het om jou te ontmoet nie.

Culture Crossing

I just found the most interesting site. I can't recommend it highly enough :)


http://www.culturecrossing.net

Time

Время-- никогда не правильная скорость...всегда слишком быстро или слишком медленно...

Please

Don't let Saturday come. I can't say goodbye again.

I love this..

Click the picture to find an awesome story about muslim schoolgirls learning martial arts :)

Inspire

“As you’re reading this, your life’s getting shorter. It’s ticking away. I’m not saying this to frighten you. Or even scare you. Though it may. I’m saying this to awaken you. To inspire you. To rise you out of your deep slumber. To really know you won’t live forever. To share your unique gifts. To ignite your great inner fire. To ignite your great inner strength. To ignite your great inner light. To shine. Brightly shine. To awaken your great inner beauty. To motivate. Yourself and others. To love. Yourself and others. To paint. To write. To teach. To innovate. To sing. To dance. To care. To feel. To listen. To learn. To laugh. The clock’s ticking. The world needs you. Make your move.” 

-Mike Litman

Different Journeys, Different Paths

I've been experiencing a lot of hate and bringing people down lately. Not in my life, specifically, but in the lives of my friends. They have all been receiving more negativity and judgement than necessary from people who barely even know them.


Solution, after the jump...

Merge

The only friendships I really trust are the ones that fall together on their own.

Friendship shouldn't have to be forced. It's a merging of people with similar interests, and results in support. If it's forced from the start, the chances of it being strong just don't seem that great to me.

Maybe I'm wrong...but my best friendships have just gradually happened from us falling together, not from any effort to "make friends."

Message in a Bottle

Mini letters to some friends/acquaintances after the jump.

Right Leg

I've been thinking for a while about tattoos I want to get, and fitting tributes to people I know who have died [or will in the future] ... I think I've determined that up the outside of my right leg I want to gradually get a trail of stars. I'll probably start down at my ankle. The bigger the star, the closer the person was to me (family, etc) maybe since I don't want them all to be exactly the same size anyway.

I still need to work out some of the details, but I wouldn't be looking to start on that tomorrow anyway. Whenever I start, though, I have at least 3 family members to add stars on my leg for already. Plus, I would most likely include two smaller ones for  two kids who were my neighbours when I was little and were shot by their mom when I was 14. They had moved from my neighbourhood a few years before that, but we were close when they lived on my street, and the incident very deeply affected me.  They deserve a way to be remembered--a tribute of sorts--especially since their lives were cut so short at 17 and 11 (I believe) years.

Thank Goodness

I surrounded myself with idiots for a while, and it was driving me crazy. I'm so glad that the friends I seek to spend my time with now are people who actually use their brains and can succeed in making me think as well.

Splinter

♥   Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages

Poem/pondering after the jump...

Dreams

I hate feeling like my dreams and goals are sidelined.
It's not intentional, I know, but I can't move forward with them until step one is out of the way...and we've been working toward that for over a year now with no progress, so I don't see any of my other dreams getting closer.

For ten months of it I was fine because I had something to happily look forward to upon awakening each day...a job I genuinely enjoyed, surrounded by great coworkers who quickly became friends. For those few months, I would have actually been SAD to leave, because for once things were amazing.

And then that had to come to an end, as all great things do. And now, it's a job I dread. Yes, I have family here, but some of them are extremely critical, which you know I can't stand. Yes, I have friends here, but they come and go...at least I'm making more.

I just need things to speed up. So I can get to my dreams. переводчица. жена. фотографа.

Sometimes My Worst Decisions Are My Best...

Concert rambling after the jump...

Aaaand Virginia loses. Again.

Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages


I just got back from going out to San Diego again for a week. I was just as sad to come home this time as I was back in November, except that I think there were more flowers this time around--good for being surrounded by beautiful things, but bad for pollen allergies. Oops.

Seriously though, Virginia needs to get the memo. It's failing in the looking-beautiful department, as well as having things to do, and being interesting in general.

Photo Credit: LunaDawnImages

Anew

Patience is worn down; the time has come.

Move on... Move On...

Every breath is pushing me in that direction. Every rustle in the leaves outside is a whisper. "Adventure."

I need to get out of here to start my life. To be MY OWN. To experience everything anew and to begin my path.

Time to tread through the forest of life, to pick my direction and press toward the horizon.

cryptic

Messages for some people:


a) your life is an act, and you have become everything you hated… don’t worry, i’ll be in the front row watching the scene unfold as it all falls apart.

b) thank you for making it fun every day.

c) “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

d) if my life ever takes that path, I hope to be just like you were. because you were perfect.

e) Я никогда не перестану узнать.

f) don't throw it all away..

g) you are there for me through absolutely everything. I can't thank you enough.

h) most days the memories are overwhelming

i) i look up to you

j) You used to be so different. I can't even recognize you anymore. You're nothing like your former self. I'm glad we're basically strangers now.

k) Usted me enseñaba más que puede saber.

l) I admire you. I'm so proud of you all the time. It's overwhelming to see everything you accomplish. I'm glad I've gotten to witness it.

m) dreams are great. but one day you're going to realize that chasing them blindly with no plan of how to get there is foolish, and that you're right where you began

n) you've given me the greatest advice i could ever hope for, consistently. thank you.

...I'm really not ok at the moment.

Apparently my brain/heart decided this was a great weekend to decide it was overloaded on all the stress, anxiety, and countless insecurities I've been dealing with for so long.

I'm usually really great and dealing with my own stuff, plus helping everyone around me.

It's too much right now. I can't do it anymore.

It would be nice to have someone I could put stuff on for once, since I spend so much time helping everyone else through their problems...

Camaraderie

It's interesting how life is always a surprise. The people I meet who are actually worth knowing are very rarely the ones whom I think that would be the case for when I first meet them. It always sneaks up on me, and then suddenly I'll realize one day that they are enormous pieces of my life and that I learn so much from them. On the other hand, the people who I meet and assume would be worth knowing and worth trusting, are usually the ones who are pros at letting me down, at abandoning friendships when they are needed most. Happens to me so frequently.
The one thing it has taught me is to definitely not just assume anything when first meeting someone.

GODS by Vladimir Nabokov

I love this:


"Listen--I want to run all my life, screaming at the top of
my lungs. Let all of life be an unfettered howl. Like the crowd greeting the gladiator. Don't stop to think, don't interrupt the scream, exhale, release life's rapture. Everything is blooming. Everything is flying. Everything is screaming, choking on its screams. Laughter. Running. Let-down hair. That is all there is to life."


The full story is here, if you are curious.

...

Ouch... 


Memories are lame sometimes.
All week I've been dealing with crazy memories. A lot of them were perfect moments when they happened, but things have changed so they don't really exist anymore. Just the memories.

Moving forward is important.
It's tricky, and kind of  terrifying at times, but I just have to keep reminding myself that keeping up the forward motion is necessary...that I should have no regrets...that things are how they are for a reason.

Like I said, it's tricky.


And I would go back there if I could. It wouldn't be the same. The people I met wouldn't be the same, I wouldn't be the same, the experience would be completely different. Everyone and everything involved has grown and changed and become new. But I'd still go back.


This is vague. But I don't need details. I just needed to get it out.